September 14, 2011

Can I tell you something? Something about me? Here goes: I love journaling. As in L-O-V-E love! I have been a devout journal writer since I received my first journal at the age of eight. Since that time, my journal (or journals as I have gone through many) has played many rolls: a companion, friend, confidant, therapist, teacher, motivator... My journal knows me inside and out; it has seen the best of me and the worst. It holds stains from tears and contains moments of joy. My journal has has provided me with wisdom and inspiration. It contains my fears, pains, joys, challenges, and goals. My journal holds stories, moments, feelings, and emotions. It sheds light on who I was, who I am, how far I’ve come, where I am going, and what I need to do to get there. Journaling is a solace; it is a stress relief. It keeps me balanced and helps me to grow. Journaling is a part of me. Norbe Platt wrote,

“The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium.”

My sentiments exactly.  

All that being said, journaling takes time. It can take a lot of time. There’s just always so much to record and express! My hands can hardly keep up with my thoughts; in fact, my mind is constantly paragraphs ahead of my hands. A few years ago, I even gave up handwriting my journal as I type faster than I write. Still, my fingers lag in comparison to my constantly reeling mind. I confess, it is both a blessing and a curse to have such free access to the flow of my inner feelings and thoughts. On the one hand, I know and understand myself quite well. Yet on the other hand, with so much access to myself, I at times feel overwhelmed with how much I want to articulate in the written word. Curse the limitations of my sluggish hands. Ha.

And now the present. Confession: I haven’t written in my journal in over two weeks. [Gasp] I know. You might be thinking, That’s but 14 days. Surely you can catch up in no time. Well, you're wrong. Ha. FYI: 14 days is an eternity in the world of Rachel Journaling. An E-TER-NI-TY! You see, the best time to record a story or an event is ASAP. Feelings, thoughts, moments, senses, and details fade faster than you might think. Especially when you’re me and hindered by a most feeble memory. You see, journaling in the moment (meaning soon after) is a beautiful experience in which words flow, coated with details of feelings, senses, and emotions. The results of such entries are full of life and memorable. Those are the entries that allow you to relive the event three dimensionally, key word being relive. Delayed journaling, however, is but a task in which you are merely striving to place words on a page in hopes of preserving but a piece of a fast diminishing memory. Don’t get me wrong, better late than never. But journaling in the moment is almost always better. …

...Which is why I am so unbelievably distraught about my serious blog break. You see, as of January 2011 my blog has been my sole journal. Meaning this here blog you're reading is my journal. Yeah, yeah, you don’t have to tell me how shallow it is in comparison to what a private journal can achieve. But when I moved to graduate school and found myself consumed with school, blogging simplified things. And once I added marriage to the equation, my blog altogether just seemed the right way to go. It accomplishes so much: personal journaling, keeping in contact with family and friends, organizing pictures, etc. For now, I’m content with the whole blog journal thing… so long as I keep it up! Oh but two weeks! [Sigh] I've just been so busy! That and the longer I procrastinate the more intimidating it seems.

Want to know just how much I have done in those two weeks? Let’s see: I finished as a nanny, road tripped from Utah to Boston, visited Nauvoo and Kirtland, packed, moved out of my NY apartment, vacationed for a weekend in Boston, hung out in NY for another week as Bryan was required to stay an extra week, won the Wicked lottery (second time!), attended Fashion’s Night Out, moved to Utah, played in Utah, started the job search… and more! Just a few things, right?! Ha. Well, no more excuses! Let the journal/blog catch up begin.

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