Cockroach

Story: Once upon a time, Rachel (aka me) woke to get a drink. The hour was 2am on the 12th of July 2011. As she tiptoed along the dark corridor (or studio apt) she groggily noticed a peculiar little shadow scurrying about the ground. With haste, she flipped on the light and there, there on the ground was a,

BRYAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she screamed!
Half awake and rather out of it, he lifted his head, “Huh?”
Come here! Come here! Come here! Ewe! Ewe! Ewe!
Now awake and seemingly driven by adrenalin, he flew out of bed, “Are you OK!?”
Pretty sure he thought someone was trying to break in…no thanks to the level terror in my voice. (Note: Do you like how I’ve switched tense.)
Look! Get it……..! Ewe! Ewe! Ewe!” I moaned.
“What is it?”
A COCKROACH [bet you couldn't have guessed that from the title of this post]! It’s HUGE! Ewe! Get it! Hurry!”
Bryan sat there, staring—half amused and half exhausted. “A... cockroach?”
YES! It’s not funny! Help! It’s getting away! Run! Hurry! It’s super fast! Hurry! Bryannnn….!” (Embarrassingly enough, I really sounded as annoying in person as I do here... In my defense, though, I greatly loathe large cockroaches. Especially in the middle of the night.)
“I’m coming,” he laughed as he started walking over.

But it was too late! The foot long (ok 3”) cockroach was gone! It ran—rapidly—right into our cleaning cabinet in the bathroom! And…it vanished!

WHAT DO WE DO?!” I squealed.
“Eh. It’ll leave.”
It’ll… leave?” It’ll LEAVE! How?
“The same way it came in.”

I was not amused. In fact, I was completely terrified. Bugs are fine in the wild, but NOT inside. And they certainly do NOT belong in my apartment. They just don’t!

How did it come in?
“I don’t know. But it’ll find its way out.”

Bryan went back to bed. He had work, so I can’t really complain. I, on the other hand remained fearful.and wired. That colossal critter was still in our apartment! Alive! Breathing! And it was probably laying eggs and multiplying by the minute! What if it came after me in the middle of the night… meaning what if it crawled on me while I was asleep?! YUCK! I sat curled up on the lid of the toilet watching the cabinet. Waiting…

My mother always handles bug scares so well and so delicately. Too bad she was out of the country... Naturally, she would have said something to the effect of, “You know, cockroaches are actually more sacred of you than you are of them. They don’t like people. I’ll bet it’s already running home to tell it’s mom about how scared it was of you right now. After all, compared to that little bug you are a giant. It’s long gone.” I rather like those stories. They have such a soothing effect and truly make everything better. Luckily my sister Bekah texted me something to that effect. It was rather comical actually. Her humor helped dissipate my fear…at least enough to try to sleep.

[Sigh] We still haven’t found it… the cockroach.

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