My Broken Nose

Have you ever suddenly remembered a story and started laughing? Out loud? Just you? Following which, you feel obligated to share the moment of laughter due to the inquisitive and awkward stares? Tragically, it seems whenever I try to explain such laughter, no one quite seems to think it’s as funny as I do. …As I’m sure you’ve gathered such an incident recently happened to me. Just last week, I let out quite the chuckle when one of those memories was triggered upon distantly seeing a child hit his brother in the nose at a church function. The woman next to me gave me one of those, What are you laughing about? looks… That or she was thinking, Is she crazy? She hadn't seen the child. Well, I shared my story thinking she'd get a kick out of it. After all we weren't total strangers... Let’s just say I hope you’ll appreciate this more than she did… ha.

First, the background: It all began at my paternal grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary in the summer of 2008 (I think). Think family reunion. My grandparents are some of the most amazing, talented, and generous people I know. My sweet grandparents invited everyone—all my uncles, aunts, and cousins—to stay at some lovely condos for a few days. It was so much fun! The condos were situated near a lake about two hours north of Salt Lake City. We biked, picnicked, had bon fires during which my grandpa serenaded us with his guitar, and played beach volleyball (my grandma showed us up by out serving ALL of us! Quite the woman I tell you.). We hiked, took a jumping picture or two or twenty, and of course we played a mad game of capture the flag! That in itself was an adventure: my aunts, uncles, and cousins were tackling and being tackled right and left! Who knew capture the flag could be such a full out contact sport! Loved it though! Right...and we boated. Let's talk boating.

My story stems from the boating. Well, tubing really. Now, the highlight of the trip was probably when I broke my nose. Ha. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t the highlight—but it was pretty funny (now). You see, my sisters and I were tubing... Need I say more? 

For story sake, however, I'll elaborate a bit. While tubing, my sister started to fall off. Being the wonderful sister I am (right?) I turned to help her back up. At that exact moment we hit a colossal wave that caused my dear sister’s heel to make considerable contact with my precious nose. I admit, I was a complete pansy; following a rather intense cracking noise and severe pain, I let loose and flew off the tube! Then there was the blood. Pints of it gushed from my nose...I'm kidding, it was just a nose bleed. Still, it hurt. So ensued the panic. Is my nose straight? Is it straight?! I vainly kept half inquiring and half demanding. I couldn’t yet see it myself. Luckily, it was straight. Just broken. Ha. Just. 

Anyway, all that...the reunion, the pictures, and the nose...that was just the background. I know I could have simply prefaced the story with “my nose was broken…” After all, that's how I prefaced it to the lady. I suppose I'm hoping with a little more background, however, the following story—as in the story that made me laugh in the first place—will be more...complete.

Thus the story: A few days after the exquisite family reunion (Don’t worry, breaking my nose did not taint the experience in the slightest!), I attended a childhood friend’s wedding reception. It was beautiful! So beautiful, in fact, that I hardly noticed my still sensitive, but no longer swollen nor bruised nose. The decor, the details, the bride...all were fantastic! Then there was the heavenly food! Seeing as the food was so delicious, I quickly and strategically joined the buffet line to serve myself some grub. In line, I found myself standing next to the most precious eight-year-old girl who was too short to reach the food. Instinctually, I started to help her and so ensued a conversation.

As we chatted I immediately found her to be entirely bossy but in an adorably comical way. Aren't snooty eight-year-olds the ultimate contradiction? They are the most hysterical, annoying, and sweetest things ever! This girl was absolutely a combination of rude and cute.
As we conversed and moved through the line, she asked me, “Want to see what my brother [the groom] taught me?”
“Sure,” I replied (big mistake).
The next thing she said was, “Oh wait! Look! Your shoe is broken”.
Stupidly and most gullibly I looked down. The moment I looked down this child, this beast, full on punched me in the nose! We’re talking hard clenched fist!

Talk about painful! Obviously that normally wouldn’t and shouldn’t hurt that bad—but it absolutely did! And yet, for some reason (perhaps because her brother had just gotten married) I didn’t want to make her feel bad that her “joke” HURT like nobody’s business. Thus, I desperately fought off those automatic tears that come when you get hit in the nose...especially when it's already broken. Then, out of nowhere, I started to laugh amidst my pain. I completely cracked up even! It really was hilarious! Really though! Of course I would get punched by an eight-year-old at a wedding with an already broken nose! Of course that would happen! I tell you, I laughed good and hard! Upon seeing my laughter, the eight-year-old too started laughing. She really was adorable! I can only hope my laughter did not encourage her to punch others...and if it did, I hope they found it as funny as I did...and do.

My poor nose throbbed the rest of the day. The end.

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