The Concrete Slip ‘N Slide

This is R Perry reporting live from the heart of Manhattan. It appears scientists’ assured projections of global warming have proven tremendously faulty. In contrast to intensifying heat, the northeastern region of the country is currently suffering a contemporary ice age; New York City is officially coated by an immaculate glaze of ice. Consequently, the city has formally been deemed a frozen Slip ‘N Slide.

Public response has been highly supportive. Most—if not all—have demonstrated great enthusiasm for this free entertainment. Natives and tourists alike have already been seen making use of the extraordinary toy. Even today, I have personally witnessed five discrete individuals effectively use this metropolitan Slip N’ Slide. One man in particular was so energized about having this colossal Slip ‘N Slide literally at his feet, that he eagerly slid from the sidewalk all the way into the middle of the street. It was phenomenal! Worthy of a ten. Alas, New York City is one enormous playground. 

Government officials ask citizens to be vigilant when using the toy and to remember that they do so at their own risk. Stay tuned for further details.

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